People pleasing might be keeping you inside your comfort zone. Over and over I hear people wanting to get out of their comfort zone but what’s stopping them is fear of letting someone else down in some way. Do you find yourself saying things like…
“I would feel bad if…”
“What is he/she gets upset with me if I….”
“I feel like I would be letting (insert important person’s name here) down, if….”
And the list goes on and on. You’re sacrificing valuable time that you will never get back to make someone else happy before yourself.
And that is the key here, you are putting others before yourself. How would you ever expect to leave what’s comfortable if you can’t even put yourself first? Somewhere along the road you were taught that others go first. That if you serve others with everything you have, then you will be happy.
And maybe you weren’t taught this on purpose. Maybe you had really generous parents and you thought to be happy you had to be just as generous or more than them. Maybe when you were little you always got rewarded for doing something good for someone else and so you attribute other’s happiness with your own. This pattern can come from all sorts of different places.
But it is now holding you in comfort. Your own self-care comes last, after other’s plans. You don’t make any big moves, because you might let someone down.
People pleasing is a self-satisfying practice.
It’s amazing that you have such a big heart and that you want to help serve everyone that you can, but when it comes at the expense of yourself and your own needs, you are no longer serving.
How is people pleasing self-serving? You are doing something for someone else to make yourself feel better. You are doing something for someone else to avoid the guilt of not doing it.
You cannot affect how someone else feels. No matter how many nice, amazing things you do for them. You do not control their feelings.
You are only in charge of you. If you are constantly trying to please everyone else, you will fall short. You will not try new things, because someone else might need you.
Guilt will replace happiness. Don’t let guilt consume you, don’t suffer through that. You are SO important. And if a person cares about you, they will want you to be at your best too. It’s time to start learning to put you first. All we have is time and it is time to live for YOU.
Continue to serve people, but don’t do it at the expense of yourself.