So you want to find the one. Finding “the one” is so many people’s dream in this world. Finding that big love, your soulmate, the one, your perfect partner. People search for it, they try and fail and then try again. We are so entranced by this idea of finding love that we scoop it up every chance we get. We aren’t watching for patterns and if we are then we are just being negative and telling ourselves things like, “this is all I am worthy or all I deserve.” You are just so focused on finding love, when in fact you really don’t even know what you’re looking for.

Have you ever found yourself saying things like:

I just keep going after the same guy.

Or

I don’t understand why I keep attracting all these a**holes?!

Or

Just found yourself becoming comfortable in a relationship and not truly happy.

It’s time for you to start looking for the one outside of your comfort zone! You have been telling yourself the same story for years, “this is what I deserve in a relationship and this is the kind of guy that I am going to be stuck with.” Maybe you aren’t wording it exactly in that way, but you know that you feel like Mr. Right isn’t even out there, that he doesn’t exist.

You’re just comfortable. You’re comfortable with where you have always been, you’re comfortable because you have set up limits for yourself and decided that is where you will stay. The truth is, you haven’t even really tried. You haven’t tried to look for something new, or if you have, you just end up back where you started. You haven’t done the work to find someone who is out of your comfort zone. If you want something magical you have to put in the work to have it.

So here it is, this is your wake up call, your guidebook to manifesting the man of your dreams, the love of your life, your soul mate. Here are 5 steps to finding love outside of your comfort zone.

1. Start with you!
You are the foundation, you are the pillar in this relationship and if you don’t get the you work done first. You don’t get really clear on what you do deserve and who you are, then how would you expect to bring someone else in. How can someone else love you, if you don’t even love you? Decide what you need to work on with you before you start diving into someone else’s life, because the reality is when we dive into a relationship before we have worked on ourselves we end up projecting our issues onto the other person. Then suddenly this other human has all of these problems that you didn’t see in the beginning.

2. What the heck is love?

You need to define love for yourself. What does it feel like, look like, sound like? What is important about it? How do you think you will find a relationship full of love if you have a construed vision of it? You have to have the foundations to the house before you lay the concrete or else it will all collapse. This is not a race, your soulmate will be there waiting for you, when you are ready.

3. Let go.

What are you holding onto from your past relationships? Think about romantic, friendships, and even those relationships with our family. What are you still holding onto from these? Is there any pain that you haven’t yet acknowledged? You can’t just ignore this pain and hope that it will go away. Acknowledge this burden you are holding, write a letter to your pain or even the person who was a part of the pain and let everything out. After you write this letter, destroy it. Yep, burn it, shred it, toss it, let it go. Physically release the pain.

4. Manifest what you really deserve

What do you really want? Like you really, really, really want. Write down everything that you want in a soulmate. Now I’m not saying pull out your list on the first date and see if he meets the criteria. Just make it really really clear on what it is you want. This is what you deserve. Once you make it clear to yourself, you will start to notice easier when something is not quite right in the beginning. And your ideal man/woman might just appear in front of you 🙂

Here are a few questions to get you started: How do you want to feel every day? What do you want your favorite activities to be? What do you want him to treat you like?

5. Go for it

Part of our comfort zone in dating is not going for it! Three years ago, if I didn’t just go for it… I wouldn’t be with my soul mate today. I took a risk, because I knew something was right. I had met my wonderful man 4 years prior to dating him in a freshman biology class… I would have never thought we would end up together. But something in my heart told me it was right and I went for it, life would not be the same now if I didn’t try. Stop looking in all of the same places and start expanding your choices, you never know, your “one” could be right under your nose.